Heartworms and Brown Thumbs

After 5 years of fine apartment living, we finally moved into a house with a yard last year.  My hopes of turning part of the back yard into a garden vanished soon after the puppy we adopted from the shelter arrived.  We knew that we were taking our chances getting a lab/mutt mix, but this one seemed so sweet and laid back and non-destructive, and he was so cute that we got him anyway.  It turned out that his quietness was due to heartworms, and once that was treated, he turned into a regular old lab puppy that likes to chew. And chew. And chew.  So, any hopes of building raised beds in the back yard was out.

Merlot - his name from the shelter - because they said he was "as fine as wine"

Last spring, I talked my husband into building two small raised bed areas near the side door, with a flimsy fence between the dog and my dreams of feeding my family solely with the fruits of my labors.  He built and planted and fertilized some, and I waited to see the first sprouts of my eventual harvest.  There was only one glitch in my plan.

I am the worst plant caretaker in the world.

I really don't want to be.  I love flowers, and potted plants, and vegetables.  I have tried various combinations and soils and environments through the years, but they all eventually bite the dust.  Even the cactus I got at Christmas.  You know, the ones that are supposed to live forever with no care in the world, and they bloom year after year?  It has gotten to the point that I wonder if somewhere deep inside, as those plants leave to store to travel down the road to my house, they realize they are heading to a quick and certain death.  I was hoping that something totally outside of my house and in nature would be immune to my lack of a green thumb.

Well, most of the seeds did sprout, and the seedling grew for a while, but then they just withered away and disappeared completely.  Even my flower seeds didn't sprout.  I don't know if squirrels or birds got them or the half wild neighborhood cat just decided to use the beds as a new litter box, but nothing ever came.  We did eventually have one plant sprout.  It was a sugar snap pea plant that my green thumb friend Debbie gave me later in the summer.  By that point I had even given up on watering and even looking at the beds at all, and one day there was a green vine with about 40 peas on there.  We were so excited that we picked them off and ate them in about 3 minutes time.  If only that could have sustained us foodwise for a year.

I love, love, love the idea of growing enough food to feed my family.  I even like the concept of shelling and shucking and canning stuff.  I just can't make the connection between the simple act of planting and reaping translate into actual food.  If I could never go to the grocery store again, and my family's survival depended on my ability to provide my food, then we would only last as long as the food in the pantry holds out.  .

With our insane and unpredictable schedules this year, we didn't even bother to pretend to plant food items. Instead, my mother-in-law and her sister showed up and did a little planting of their own.  I have done absolutely nothing to encourage or prolong these plant lives, which is probably why they look so absolutely gorgeous.

If you look closely, you can see our dog behind the fence.

Cowgirls 'N Angels

I had the coolest opportunity last week.  I was able to preview a new movie that is being released today called Cowgirls 'N Angels.  I had not heard of the movie before, and had only seen one of the actors in other roles, so I wasn't very sure of what to expect, but I jumped on board with the previewing anyway.


Cowgirls 'N Angels is the story of a Ida, 10-ish year old girl that is being raised by a single mother.  She loves horses, gets into mischief often, but mainly dreams of becoming famous enough for her never before seen father to recognize and come back to her.  Not that her mom ever talks about him, but Ida searches and finds enough clues to lead her to believe that her dad left to be a part of the rodeo circuit.  Ida decides to do the same thing.

I really appreciated the depth to this story.  It was very well written and acted, and was not predictable at all.  The actress that played Ida, Bailee Madison, was phenomenal.  I thought that this was her first acting gig, but my youngest informed me that she was in an episode of 'The Wizards of Waverly Place". (You know, mom, the one where the youngest boy turns into a girl?  Well, she's the girl).  No, John, I didn't know that.  However, if she had been on Phineas and Ferb...

I haven't seen this promoted anywhere else, which is a shame because it is such a good quality movie.  I've seen several comments labeling it as 'family friendly', which I suppose it is, but it may be a little intense for some younger viewers, particularly really sensitive ones.  Ida often yells and breaks the rules and frequently runs off when distressed or sad.  Plus, there is the whole not having a daddy around theme.

This weekend the movie will be shown at select theaters in Colorado, Kansas, Iowa, Missourt, Nebraska, Tennessee, and Utah.  If this movie is playing at a theater near you, you might want to consider checking it out.  I am all about supporting movies that don't have objectionable themes or language, and the redemptive nature of this movie make it an added bonus.  You can find out more about the movie on their website and view the movie trailer here.

Disclaimer:  I was provided access to the online screening of this movie by Fly Propeller in exchange for my review.  No other compensation was received.

Being Quiet

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What do John Boy Walton and the Seth Rogan character on Freaks and Geeks have in common?

What about Eleanor Roosevelt and Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice)?

Johnny Carson, Meryl Streep, and Steve Martin?

All are either considered and/or self described introverts.

I did an informal Facebook poll this past week to see whether people consider me to be an introvert or an extrovert.  It included an interesting cross section of people from the many stages of life and places that I have lived.

The results were mixed.

I was not surprised.  I have moved around a lot, and have been a part of many different groups, and interact accordingly.  I like how my friend Carol described it--I am a very outgoing introvert.  Most people tend to think in very simple terms, such as introverts are quiet and shy, and extroverts are talkative and confident in group settings.  However, those ideas are stereotypical, and not necessarily reality based.  It basically boils down to how a person recharges their batteries, so to speak.  When a person is most tired or stressed out, do they regroup best by being alone, or by being around other people?  Using that definition, I would most definitely be an introvert.  A confident, social, love to speak in front of an audience, introvert.  It comes from a position of power, not of weakness or lack of self-confidence.

The general consensus is that if a person is quiet, or not very talkative in a group setting, then they are not the ones in control, or don't have the best ideas.  However, Susan Cain, in her book Quiet:  The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking goes to great lengths to discuss introversion as a cultural, psychological, sociological, and personal phenomenon.  I love looking at things that way.  She shows how it is the particular insights of people who are quiet enough to study and articulate problems and circumstances that have the power to change things and make big things happen.  Unfortunately, our culture is designed to encourage and reward extroverts and their contributions, which may not necessarily be the most well thought out or beneficial for society.  The ramifications for this are also explored in detail.

One of the most interesting threads for me was the discussion of how churches are set up and geared almost exclusively toward extroverts.  One example--the 'meet and greet' time that is part of the worship service of churches all over.  I HATE this.  Absolutely hate it.  And it has nothing to do with being an introvert.  I just know that it makes all kinds of people uncomfortable, and gives them yet another reason to check out of church.  I mean, seriously, how does that make people feel comfortable and welcome?  If people want to talk to or 'visit with their neighbor', then they will make a point of doing on their own, not because someone in the front instructed everybody to do it at the specified time.

Quiet was an interesting book, and one that I think is of particular importance for people in organizational leadership.  Diverse voices may be quiet, but those voices are important nonetheless.

You can read from the first few pages of Quiet here.

Disclaimer:  I received a copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah for review purposes.  No other compensation was received.

Brain Freeze - Giveaway

C. S. Lewis is probably best known for being the author of the Narnia Series, and became a little more familiar on the pop culture scene after the release of movie version of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.  He was a very prolific writer, though, and was particularly good at taking deep, scholarly issues and transforming them into a user-friendly format, without dumbing down the material.  Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters were a couple of his books that I was introduced to in college that were pretty influential among many of my friends.  They weren't easy reads, but were the kind of books that need to be chewed on and digested slowly.


As One Devil To Another, written by Richard Platt, is written in the same style as The Screwtape Letters, but is updated to better address contemporary issues.  It is described this way:


As One Devil to Another is an astonishing debut work that C. S. Lewis’s biographer and foremost Lewis authority Walter Hooper calls “a stunning achievement, the finest example of the genre of diabolical correspondence to appear since this genre was popularized by C. S. Lewis.” Enter into this chilling and diabolical tale, one that reveals the very tricks and strategies of Hell. Through a series of letters between devils created by Platt, senior devil Slashreap trains his young protégé, Scardagger, to win an individual soul away from Heaven and into their clutches. As the devils plot their way to triumph, they reveal the spiritual dangers and risks we face in today’s society. Their frighteningly accurate perspective on issues such as contemporary technology and sexual mores is interwoven with timeless matters such as the power of prayer, the purpose of suffering, and the promises held out by Heaven . . . and Hell. Destined to become a modern classic, As One Devil to Another is a brilliantly written, deeply unsettling perspective on twenty-first-century society . . . a glimpse of ourselves through the eyes of those who have embraced their underworldly existence.


 I tried and tried to get into this book in the way that I truly believe it deserves, but I think my mind is just too shot right now.  I can't seem to stay focused for any length of time, and even though I read every page, I can't remember any details.  Again, this is by no means a reflection of the book, other than I think it goes to show the depth of content that is covered.  I would definitely recommend it to anyone who can follow an allegory through to the end, particularly those who admire and appreciate the works of Lewis.

As an added bonus, thanks to the generous folks at Tyndale House Publishers, I have two copies of this book to give away.  So, if you live in the US, and would like to have this book for your very own, please leave me a comment.

You can find out more about As One Devil To Another here and can even download the first chapter for free.  Free is good.

Disclaimer:  I received a copy of this book from Tyndale House Publishers for review purposes.  No other compensation was received.

Mutiny at the Book Club

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I love book clubs.  I have been a mostly silent member of several book clubs at different times and in different states.  Most of them are a pretty pretentious lot.  The last one I was involved with was particularly so, full of literary types and adjunct professors that not only loved their opinions, but felt like it was their duty to pass them on to others.  I knew it was time for me to step away from that group when we had to go around the room and state who we thought the most interesting fictional character is.  I happened to be last, and after listening to all manner of drivel and foreign sounding names, I answered, "Ignatius J. Reilly" (the main character in A  Confederacy of Dunces, who is a lazy slob with absolutely no good qualities--not exactly their caliber of book, even though it did win a posthumous Pulitizer for the author).  Come to think of it, at another book club, I sat listening to a group of women debate over which movie role Ralph Fiennes most made his own, and I quipped that he did a really good job as Voldemort.  I don't think they took me very seriously after that.  I can't imagine why not ...


Anyway, I haven't been able to attend a face to face book club for a while, so when I read about a couple of bloggers who were starting a virtual book club, I thought it would be an interesting thing to check into.  Amy and Steph decided to open up a discussion about Jen Hatmaker and her newest book, 7:  An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.  I was not familiar with Jen Hatmaker, but since the download didn't cost much, I figured I would give it a try.  After doing a little research, it turns out that she has written many books and has been on the lecture circuit for a while, which just goes to show you that I must have been living under a rock for quite some time.  And let me just say this now before I forget--I absolutely love her writing style and voice.  She seems real and approachable and fun.

7 is the story/guide/documentation of the 7 categories/months that she and her family decided to make some radical changes in their lifestyles, in terms of excess consumption.  For example, one of the seven categories was food, and Jen ate only 7 foods for that month (chicken, eggs, avocado, spinach, green apple, and two other foods I can't remember) in an attempt to become more cognizant of hunger and excess.  One month she focused on clothing, and wore only 7 specific clothing items for that month.  The focus here was on dealing with appearances and wasteful excess related to how we dress to impress others.

So, for the book club part, Amy asked for volunteers to blog about specific chapters, and I stepped up to discuss the chapter on going green, like recycling and composting and taking care of the environment.  My official post on this isn't until next week, but I've been wondering--what about you?  Is there anything in particular that you do to lighten your carbon footprint?  Do you think it is important but don't really do anything?  Or is it a non-issue for you?

I really want to know what you think.  You know, so I won't come across as one of those professors who only passes on their own opinions.  And while you are at it, go ahead and add your most interesting fictional character choice, too.

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On Politics, Religion, and Hippie Tattoos

I'm sitting here at my keyboard, at a relatively decent time and all of my 'have-to-do's' for the day done, and I can't think of a single coherent thing to write.  All week long I have had so many things I wanted to get on here, but I didn't have the time or energy to do it.  Now I am here, and there are just random thoughts running through my mind that have no common thread.  It is very representative of the chaos that has become of my life in the past few months.  Since my life has been dictated lately by bullet points and lists, I guess it just makes sense that my writing about it should follow suit.  So, here goes nothing.

--For the first time in the history of my mommyness, I have a child completely packed and ready to go to summer camp three days early.  That is only because we thought we would be heading to Houston to see a cancer specialist today and would have to have everything ready at a moment's notice (which didn't happen and still has no resolution), but still--a very big deal in our house.

--I watched last week's episode of Glee for the first time all year, because it was the one with their National's competition, which always has great performances.  The regular Glee kids won, but the other team was SO much better.  It made no sense.  Just kind of blah, and felt like more of a wasted hour and a half than usual.

--How anyone can fully support Mitt Romney is a mystery to me.  What is there about him that seems  genuine or trustworthy in the least?  I understand there is a huge contingent of "Anybody but Obama"ers out there, but this guy?

--I am SO excited that Whole Foods is coming to town.  The crunchy folks that I have surrounded myself with for years at the local health food co-op just seem to get more and more out there every year, and not in a good way.  Maybe I am just getting too old--I really want to sit some of them down and point out the realities of extreme body piercings and full facial tattoos of amphibians.  That salamander may be kickin' now, but when the wrinkles come and the skin starts to sag (and it most definitely will), they are just going to be the laughing stock of the skilled nursing facility.

--I saw a full page ad for used luxury cars.  A 2008 model something with 60,000 miles that gets less than 20 miles per gallon, and it still costs $65,000.  Are you freakin' kidding me?  Unless it comes with a built in cook, maid and masseuse, why would anyone spend that kind of money on a car, even if they had money to burn?

--Organic food just tastes better.  Buy identical  brands of apples or grapes--one organic and the other not organic--and do a taste test.  No comparison.  And speaking of tastes tests, how would anyone in the 70s and 80s not be able to tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi?  Taste challenge, my foot.  BTW--definitely Coke, even though I was a Tab girl myself.

--My oldest can't do even the most basic things by himself, and gets around like someone who has had a stroke.  That will get better, but it is like a have a newborn again, with all the getting up at night to help him with something.  Yet another thing I am just too old for anymore.

--His cancer is 'gone' for now, but any cancer patient/family member can tell you story after story of how that is no guarantee, and how an all clear one scan can change to '6 months to a year" on a dime.  The only cool thing about that is that individual moments and days are not taken for granted.  Nothing in this life is guaranteed, except for death and taxes, of course.  And that saggy amphibian faces aren't attractive.

--I haven't been able to go to church since Christmas day.  Having to stay home with a non-ambulatory, immuno-suppressed kid will do that.  For some folks this is just a way of life, but not for me.  Churches tend to have a funny way of frowning on having a minister whose wife doesn't bother to attend the services.  I think this is affecting me more than I realize.  All I have to do is read back over these rants that are obviously just below my thought surfaces, since I have been basically typing my current stream of consciousness.  I'm really not a complainer by nature, but you sure wouldn't guess it reading this post.

--I really need to spend some time down south where the waves are crashing in on my toes.

OK, that's it.  I think I am going to hang out with Beth Moore for a little while now.  I like to imagine that me and her and Lorelai Gilmore would have the best time hanging out.  I guess I am just deluded that way.

Like everything else lately, I'll just blame it on the chemo.

There Are Worse Things Than Cancer

I had the wonderful pleasure of being able to spend  an hour or so today with one of my very favorite people to hand out with.  M is what Anne Shirley would call a 'bosom friend'.  We met the first year both of us got married, and hung out together as couples a lot.  Then they moved, and we moved, and we both had kids, and we stayed in touch as much as anyone can stay in touch with someone who never answers their phone (that would be me).

M is going through a divorce.  It is a place she never, ever imagined she would be, and she is dealing with all the details and ramifications as well as can be expected.  Things are getting progressively uglier, and my heart just hurts for them both.  She shared her stories and listened to mine as I talked about Harrison and the fact that we have just found out that the past 4 months of chemo did nothing to kill the cancer cells in his tumor.  That tumor is out now, but we are still left to decide what happens from here on out as far as further treatment is concerned.  She mentioned that she hears my story, and thinks it makes her situation pale in comparison.  I told her that I think just the opposite--her story and circumstances seem so much worse than mine (Harrison may totally disagree about that...), because no matter what happens with Harrison, we plan to come out of it with as few regrets and bitterness as possible.  It is becoming more and more apparent that M, and her whole family, will not have outcome, and she knows this.

As I was headed home after saying goodbye for a few more months, I got to thinking about how many people I know who are going through such terrible, sad circumstances that are so much worse than cancer.  Just a few examples from the lives of people I know--

--going through cancer with no insurance.  Or family support.  Or with a spouse that is selfish/addicted/checked out/loser-y.

--getting over cancer, but living in so much fear and worry about it coming back, that you just stop fully living while you can.

--finding out that their husband/wife has had an affair and wants out--after leaving a parting gift of an incurable STD (has happened to THREE people I know of in the past year!).  Seriously, how could that person ever fully trust another partner again?

--having a child who completely disrespects you and refuses to obey or abide by the family rules/values.  Or is making destructive choices.  Or is a lazy slacker with no goals that don't involve a remote or game controller. (Spouse could be interchanged with kid here)

--having to explain to your child--yet again--why daddy won't be getting them this weekend after all, or why mommy yells and throws things when she is tired.

--being married to a crazy person.

--feeling ugly, worthless, hopeless, and completely unworthy of love or acceptance by anyone.

--being an orphan or foster kid that is never adopted.

--going through cancer (or absolutely anything else) without running water or electricity, which would be the reality at any other point in history and in many geographic places now.

--being addicted to porn or gambling or pain meds--or any other such thing

--going through any of these things with no hope in or understanding of God's provision and comfort.


Yep, there are worse things than cancer.


But cancer is still really, really bad.